Michigan Students in Tears Over Snowfall, Many Female Students “Can’t Even”

Posted on April 15, 2014 by Rachel R
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This morning, all of Ann Arbor was greeted by a soft, cuddly blanket of Satan’s dandruff. That’s right, snow. In the middle of freaking April. Facebook blew up as complaints were posted from freshman who have lived in California their whole lives to juniors who are native Michiganders. Some students were unable to get out of bed this morning as crushing weather-related depression hit them, while others were up in arms. The Black Sheep was on the scene covering this devastating weather predicament.

While yesterday students were wearing sweatshirts and sweaters, today winter jackets were pulled out from the back of closets. “I should’ve known better than to send my winter jacket home,” said one shivering sophomore named Alice. “Damn this snow, I can’t take it anymore. I’m not goddamned Queen Elsa, the cold does bother me anyway!”

To protect his identity, we had to cut out the stoned, dopey looking face of this bro.

Others were upset about the weather ruining their party plans. “Bro, I was going to darty so hard this week. Like, out on the porch, drinking a Bud, smoking some weed…wait, you’re not going to publish my name, right? I can’t get in trouble!” After joking with this young man for a good ten minutes and reducing him to tears by claiming we were NARC’s, we reassured him we wouldn’t publish his name.

Chelsea, shown above, was pissed about the change in weather.

White girls were upset about their days as well. “Like, what is with this weather? How am I supposed to dress boho-chic when I can’t even, like, wear shorts without getting frostbite?” Chelsea, a very flustered junior, told us. “This weather is such a bitch, could it be more two-faced and fake? Pick a season, like, I just can’t even anymore!”

No matter who you are, no one is pleased about this rapid shift in weather. If you didn’t understand Michigan’s bipolar ways, then you sure as hell do now. Winter is douchebag who just won’t stop booty calling Ann Arbor late at night, and The Black Sheep sure won’t be venturing outside today. We’re staying in and cuddling in our soft, black wool, thank you very much.